Bonds We Break Read online

  Contents

  TItle Page

  Title & Copyright

  Playlist

  Dedication

  Chapter One - Turbulence Scene

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  Chapter Two - A Life in Chaos Scene

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  Chapter Three - I Destroy Things Scene

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  Chapter Four - Force of Nature Scene

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  Chapter Five - Burn it All Scene

  Chapter Six - 14 Karat Gold Scene

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  Chapter Seven - Battle of the Lead Singers Scene

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  Chapter Eight - Berkeley Scene

  Chapter Nine - Light and Dark Scene

  Chapter Ten - Do You Cry Easy Scene

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  Chapter Eleven - Sorry For What? Scene

  Chapter Twelve - Already Broken Scene

  Chapter Thirteen - It's Golden Scene

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  Chapter Fourteen - I am Human, I am Flawed Scene

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  Chapter Fifteen - Get Over Yourself Scene

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  Chapter Sixteen - Underground Records Scene

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  Chapter Seventeen - Effort, Pain, Difficulty Scene

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  Chapter Eighteen - Grand Opening Scene

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  Chapter Nineteen - Cruel Pill to Swallow Scene

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  Chapter Twenty - You Could Never Disappear Scene

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  Chapter Twenty-One - Gotta Grow Up Sometime Scene

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  Chapter Twenty-Two - I Want You to be Rough Scene

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  Chapter Twenty-Three - Do You Have an Appointment? Scene

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  Chapter Twenty-Four - Go to Him Scene

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  Chapter Twenty-Five - We Are All Lost Scene

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  Chapter Twenty-Six - One in a Million Scene

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  Chapter Twenty-Seven - You're an Easy Person to Love Scene

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  Chapter Twenty-Eight - Forever In My Heart Scene

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  Chapter Twenty-Nine - It's Not Easy to be in Love with an Addict Scene

  Chapter Thirty - Let the World Burn Scene

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  Chapter Thirty-One - Epilogue Scene

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  Other Books by Paula Dombrowiak

  Author's Note

  About The Author

  Aknowledgements

  By Paula Dombrowiak

  BONDS WE BREAK

  By: Paula Dombrowiak

  Copyright © 2022 Paula Dombrowiak Books LLC

  First Edition, April 2022

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in any retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the above copyright owner of this book.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  Cover Image: Nez Production LLC www.nezproduction.com Instagram @nezproductionllc

  Cover Design: Lori Jackson www.lorijacksondesign.com

  Cover Model: Ashley Chauvin @ashland2778

  Editor: Katy Nielsen

  www.pauladombrowiak.com

  PLAYLIST

  Album

  American Boys - Halestorm

  Bad Girls World - Halestorm

  Beautiful With You - Halestorm

  Bring Me To Life - Evanescence

  Edge of Seventeen - Stevie Nicks

  Eye’s Closed - Halsey

  Godless - Banks

  Gold Dust Woman - Fleetwood Mac

  Heavenly Father - Bon Iver

  Heaven’s A Lie - Lacuna Coil

  Hold Me Down - Halsey

  I Am the Fire - Halestorm

  I’m Not An Angel - Halestorm

  Just Let Me Hold You - Josh Krajcik

  Just Like a Pill - P!nk

  Miss Narcissist - Courtney Love

  Monster - Meg Meyers

  Need You Like That - EZI

  Rhiannon - Stevie Nicks

  Sex Metal Barbie - In This Moment

  Sober - P!nk

  Take It Off - The Donnas

  Use Me (Feat. 070 Shake) - PVRIS

  What Sober Couldn’t Say - Halestorm

  Wicked - Miki Ratsula

  You Should Know Where I’m Coming From - Banks

  This book is dedicated to my daughter because she’s a badass boss bitch, just like Mia

  CHAPTER ONE

  Turbulence

  WHEN THE PERSON you love disappoints you in ways that destroy little pieces of your soul, there is a certain beauty in the way another person picks them up and sews them back together for you. After being broken so many times by loving the wrong person, I learned to let go. Maybe I was hoping when I did, I would hit the ground hard and fast. But on the way down, Cash reached out and caught me.

  I fell in love with him in an achingly slow way that started with the heels of my feet grounded to the earth, and crawled its way up until it reached my heart. All of those little broken pieces slowly knitted themselves back together, and it beat in sync with his.

  And then I betrayed him.

  Forgive me if I hold my breath and silently pray that he never finds out I slept with Jack right before we got married, a mistake I regretted the moment it happened. Jack had a way of getting under my skin and inside my head, leaving destruction in his path. It was hard avoiding him when we were stuck on a tour bus together for months at a time, or locked away in a studio having to write songs together.

  Our tour is swiftly coming to an end and I’ll be glad for the reprieve. Cash and I can finally look for a house, start our life together. I love our band and Mogo has been very successful, but we all need time away from each other.

  I need the space and room so my marriage to Cash can stand on its own two legs without the weight of the band pushing us down. Most of all, I need time away from Jack.

  This is why I stand inside the carriage of the elevator with adrenaline pumping through my body, heightening my senses and arming me with the strength I need to go up against Jack. This is never an easy task, especially with my heart. It has already been shattered into a million pieces and put back together again so many times that I wonder what, if anything, is actually left. Its presence beats against my rib cage, letting me know that it’s still intact - for now.

  I didn’t want to tell him the way I did, out of anger, out of necessity to keep him at bay, but he needed to know that Cash and I had secretly gotten married. The ring I wore around my neck would be the barrier between us. Jack is used to getting his way, but not this time. Breaking his heart was a necessary evil that had to be done. The look on his face when I told him was confirmation that I had effectively done my job.

  We were supposed to be doing press, but Jack already had an attitude this morning and blew the whole thing up. He stormed out of the elevator like a child.

  I’m not innocent in all of this either. In fact, I am the worst kind of person; the type to keep secrets, do anything to avoid actually facing the truth, and hide away inside myself so that no one can find me. Running away from problems was never the answer, but it never stopped me from trying.

  I stop the elevator doors from closing and step out into the lobby of the hotel only moments after Jack, but he was already gone. He is unpredictable, and when backed into a corner, he is almost sure
to strike. This is why my heart races and my fingernails are chewed down to the nub by the time I reach the airport. I know he’s already boarded the private plane that is taking our band back to L.A., and who knows what damage he’s already done.

  When I climb the steps of the private jet, I find Jack in a foul mood and an anxious Cash who looks relieved to see me. I understand the apprehension in his eyes as he greets me. It is difficult to be left behind while I do press with Jack. I can’t blame Cash for being jealous and wary of the time I have to spend with Jack, especially given our history.

  Cash does understand, even with our history, that when Jack and I focus on the music, it is the greatest barrier between us. The problems arise when we are outside of the creative bubble. Real-life looms down upon us like a black cloud. I can see those clouds forming now in the stormy depths of Jack’s eyes as they bore into me. A slight shiver runs up my spine and I silently plead for him to give me just this one thing.

  “Oh, thank God. Cash was worried.” I can feel the venom in Jack’s voice and I want to punch him in the throat.

  Amber dismisses me as usual, and I watch as she runs right for the bar. As much as I hate Jack at this moment, Amber’s actions rub me the wrong way. Jack’s sobriety is not only important for the band but for his family, and Amber doesn’t seem to care. He is already volatile in this moment, and she is oblivious. He is not in the right mind-frame to resist drinking. I did not give up everything to put Jack in rehab for him to just fucking throw it away.

  Because I feel like being an asshole, I decide to speak my mind to Amber. “That’s not helpful,” I say to her.

  “Excuse me?” Amber turns and her blue eyes narrow on me.

  I can’t remember the last time we were in the same room together, and it didn’t feel like a gathering storm. We have reasons for disliking each other, and the common denominator is Jack. Amber is more vocal about her hatred towards me, though. Perhaps the demise of our friendship was the minute I showed up wearing those jeans with Jack’s handwriting all over them on the night we left for L.A. Jealously is a disease that corrodes you from the inside out. It subtly consumes you, festering over time until it can’t be contained anymore.

  Maybe I should keep my mouth shut but I can’t help myself. “It’s just that your husband is an addict, so that,” I point to the drink in Amber’s hand, “is not helpful.”

  “Well, I’m not an addict, so I don’t see a problem.” Amber dismisses my warning as if I were a fly on her shoulder. Not wanting to start any more drama, I plop down in my seat.

  “How was the interview?” Cash asks as he takes the seat next to me. I don’t want to lie to him, but I don’t want to start an argument either. Nobody knows we’re married, well, besides Jack now. We didn’t want to interrupt the tour with our personal business, and frankly, I don’t like the attention.

  It was difficult enough to be on the road in close quarters with everyone, and I just wanted this one thing for myself. My marriage to Cash is something I could fold up inside my heart and keep safe, if only for a little while longer. We’d planned to tell everyone as soon as we got back to L.A. I definitely had not planned on telling Jack the way I did, but at that moment I felt it couldn’t be avoided. Now, I wait for the bomb to drop.

  I meet Jack’s gaze from across the plane, and I can visibly see the wheels turning inside his head. His gaze is equal parts dangerous and wounded. This tour is almost over and then I can put some distance between us. For now, we are stuck on this plane.

  I don’t get the chance to answer Cash because Wade interrupts my thoughts with a statement. “If I were insecure, I’d be pissed reporters only want to talk to the two of you and not the whole band.” Wade points at Jack and then me, “But, since I’m not,” he says flippantly and takes the seat next to Adam, his boyfriend, and the lead singer of Ruin. I inwardly smile at the sight of the two of them. Wade has never looked more comfortable in his own skin than when he is with Adam. It’s so easy for the two of them. I have never been jealous of anyone, but right now, I am jealous of them.

  “Well, you didn’t miss much.” Jack’s voice startles me, answering Cash.

  Before he can continue, the pilot’s voice booms over the intercom, announcing we are about to take off so I buckle my seatbelt.

  “You didn’t ride back with Jack?” Cash asks, curious.

  “No.” I don’t look at him.

  “What happened?” There’s concern in his voice even though Cash is well acquainted with Jack being a dick to reporters.

  “Jack being Jack, that’s all. He flaked on the interview.” I pull out a magazine from my bag in an attempt to move on to something else, but Cash is not letting go. Maybe it’s my mood he’s picking up on.

  “Why would he do that? Bret’s going to have a hissy fit,” Cash sighs, annoyed.

  I wave my hand as if it’s not important. “We got into an argument and he took off.”

  “An argument?” I watch as Cash looks across the plane to Jack with a critical eye.

  “It was nothing.” The lie slips from my mouth so easily I don’t get a chance to catch it and shove it back inside. Our argument was far from nothing.

  “You had to have argued about something significant for him to skip out on the press,” Cash presses and I can’t seem to make myself meet his questioning gaze.

  Everything is bubbling inside of me and comes out with an irritated tone that I don’t intend to direct at Cash. “Jack does whatever the fuck he wants. Skipping out on an interview shouldn’t surprise you.”

  The minute it’s safe to remove my seatbelt, I pop it open with an audible click and rocket out of my seat, eager to be free. The mini-fridge is full of beverages; bottles of champagne, cans of beer, and seltzer. My eyes roam over the contents and I grab a water bottle instead of what I really want.

  I turn back to Cash and follow his gaze across the length of the plane to where Jack stews in his seat, staring at me. My eyes widen in surprise and I’m momentarily caught like a fly in a spider’s web. His eyes are intense, like blue flames. No doubt Cash sees this. We all know each other too well. It’s nearly impossible to hide anything. That’s the problem with being stuck together 24/7 while touring.

  You can’t escape each other, and it’s nearly impossible to hide anything from each other.

  The air is stagnant and I feel claustrophobic in this plane. I don’t dare look at Cash because I already know what he’s thinking. I can feel it in the air like static electricity. This push and pull between Jack and Cash is wearing me down. It’s already uncomfortable to work and live as a band, but the tension between all of us is giving me anxiety. The waistband of my jeans hangs low on my hips and I reach to pull them up once again. I know I’ve lost weight recently, which isn’t all that concerning because that usually happens while I’m on tour. It’s my mental state that is concerning. All the partying, the drugs, and the shit-ton of angst pulls the wind from my sails, leaving me flailing.

  I can feel Cash’s presence next to me even before he speaks. “You told him, didn’t you?” It’s the hurt that breaks me apart.

  Defeated, I hang my head and that’s all the confirmation he needs.

  “We were supposed to tell everyone together.” Cash’s voice is louder than I’m sure he intends.

  “Oh, yes, I know your little secret,” Jack says from across the plane, sitting in his seat with his ankle casually resting on his opposite knee. His face is devastatingly handsome, even with the days-old stubble, but it is those critical blue eyes that study my reaction, going from beautiful to something deeply ugly. He can be cruel sometimes, but I’ve always excused it knowing it stems from vulnerability. I’d blindsided him with my confession of being married, and I did it maliciously. Now he’s lashing out.

  “What secret is he talking about?” Wade’s innocent question cuts the tension as he looks from me to Jack.

  “Ooh, secrets.” Adam claps his hands together dramatically, and I could kick him right now.

>   Amber stands up, drink in hand. “Are you talking about these two getting married?” she says matter-of-factly. I bring my hand to my forehead to hide from the firestorm I know will happen at any moment.

  “How did you know?” Jack asks Amber quizzically.

  “I talked to my sister a few days ago,” she explains, as if Jack is dumb, but I’m sure it’s because those two don’t communicate at all. “Mia’s Dad called my mom, and then my mom talked to…” she tries to explain but Jack cuts her off.

  “I get it, I get it,” he sputters angrily.

  I haven’t talked to my parents in a while, aside from the occasional holiday calls that are mostly superficial greetings and awkward silences. When the band became more successful, I think they finally understood what all the struggle had led to. I still threw my life away according to them, but at least I was making money at it. I had finally proved to them that I was able to make a living out of writing songs. When Cash and I got married, I didn’t want to keep it from them and used it as a way to reconnect. Again, I underestimated my mom and she was angry all over again that I hadn’t let her give me a wedding, and made me feel guilty because she wasn’t present.